Unfinished

Okay... so... Choice 1 chosen. To continue living life NORMALLY. But dang it. Why am I still not settled??? Gaaahhh...

How I wished you chose No.2 Okay, you see, this is one of my problems. I can't be settled when something feels unfinished (another reason why I should take O lvls even if I get into UWC).

When I first suspected... It was... a few weeks ago? But I just thought you were being super nice... But I guess I was right. SIGH. And guess what, big bang on Saturday night. And the final explosion yesterday. My head was spinning...

And I just kept asking myself, what do I feel? In the beginning, I was very very sure that you were jsut a really close friend to me. The closest guy friend I've had... And, even tofu-boy wasn't that close. But... after you told me why, I jsut melted into a pile of goop.

Dang... I'm so vulnerable. You said that he weren't very good with words. But come on. They were good enough to make every girl's heart melt away (trust me). And, well, I wanted to have the same feelings... but I just couldn't.

On Sunday, Dea told me,"aiyah, you just don't like him coz he's ugly right? If he's "Xander" you surely say yes right?" The said that first thing that popped to my head,"yes". Omg... After how many times I told myself that looks don't matter, and how much I hate people who contradict themselves... I'm becoming what I hate. omg

Tofu-boy, you are really gonna laugh in my face now aren't you.

And I woke up at like, 6am in the morning... And I planned this whole post out in my head for half an hour before I went to the toilet... then got a drink, and I still couldn't sleep, coz I kept thinking about this. And why? I have no idea. But maybe you know it better than I do.

Dang.