Rubbish.

As bad as this sounds, and you probably don't mean it, and I know you're just using your rationality and logic and whatever part of your brain.

But I feel like a paper towel. Used, torn and tattered. Just ready to be thrown away like nothing after you're done with it.

Do you know what you sound like?
I know you're doing this for our sake.
But are you going to throw away the past year like this?
JUST BECAUSE we will get hurt.
You're not even going to try it out?
You're just going to go head in with what you think you know and decide what you think is right?

The future hurting me, is probably nothing compared to how I feel right now.

You know what I feel like right now?

I feel like this past year is just so that you have someone by your side to accompany you in school because you have a lack of friends and everyone hates you for your past.
But look here.
I don't care about what you did or have done.
I looked past all of that.
The only reason why I cared about it was because you never told me yourself, and I found out from other people.
But then I forgave you for it.
For everything you've done to hurt me.
For all the times you've torn my heart out of my chest.
For the times when you've made me cry.
For all the times when you've given me so much to worry about.

Is this love?
Where I am there for you emotionally.
By your side, because you need me emotionally, and psychologically.

Or am I just someone for you to accompany you for this school year.
To be there for you on graduation night so that you won't be alone.
To satisfy your physical needs.

I want to run head in into this.
Because I love you that much that I am willing to suffer and tear up my heart even more.
Just. For. You.

Are you that afraid of getting us hurt, that you're willing to hurt me more in the process of doing so?

This is history repeating itself all over again...
And trust me, I've been through this, "It's better we end this now before I hurt you more in the future" sort of bullshit.

I've Got The Power

Who am I kidding?

I make my own chances.

I Made You Who You Are

Why do I bother getting angry at you?

Am I trying to self-justify?

Does this mean that after all this time, I still feel something?

Maybe.

They say that after you've broken up with someone you can never stay "just friends" because a part of you will still love him/her.

Very true.

But we aren't even friends now. Are we?

Well, the last time we met, I did say that we are friends who just don't talk.

I guess I'll keep it at that.

But why do I always make myself angry at thoughts of you?

That acidic feeling on the back of my throat.

I feel like telling you, in case you've forgotten:

I made you who you are.

I wonder if she knows about me.

Remember the topic of an open relationship?

Share your definition of it with her.

Be open.

Or maybe that's just me being the demanding girlfriend that I was... am...

Maybe it's my ego for daring to say something like this.

But in case you forget and push me away into the back of your memories, you are living with an image of you that you created with my help.

I guess in that sense, I will never leave you.

At times I wonder, what would happen if I were to meet you just randomly on the street?

Would either of us say hi?

Would we wave?

Would we speak?

Would we just walk by as if nothing happened the moment our eyes meet?

Only Chance will grant that meeting.

But I want to tell Chance, that meeting can wait.

Sometimes

"Vampires. Who likes vampires? Probably a lot of people find them charming now. But one thing is for sure: they certainly should not shimmer like diamonds in sunlight. I love vampires, always have. But before the horrible but humorous Twilight series rose to sudden fame, I was regarded as The weird outsider. Odd isn’t it? I tend to drive my friends to the brink of insanity by the way I preach about a great deal of originality and forced or fake accents. I guess you could say I am old-fashioned. Some “ultra modern” friends who simply pick up what new popular things they come across have labelled me that, making them forget about the old, classic, and better things in their pasts. As you can see, my passion for originality and creativity has also turned me into a defender for all things genuine and original."


A defender for all things genuine, original, and unique.


I see what you write to her and I just can't help but see how hopeless you are.
You have no originality. At least I try to make an effort by not repeating the same things with different guys I go out with.
You're using the same song with her??
You know, when you shared that song with me, I thought it was so perfect (not for us. For me.) because I get that feeling as well. You don't do drama. I do. And I thought it fit so well coz I get butterflies in my stomach.
And now you use it on her as well... Dear me.


And how you make that list of your priorities.
There's no longer any specialty in the T-shirt I painted for you.
Well, in my opinion at least.


And how you just start telling her that you will love her forever and always.
You never learn do you? Unless you still love me as well.


Sometimes, you disgust me.