Day 5 - Something you hope to do in your life

Hmm... Over the 17+ years of my life, there have been many things I've wanted to do in my life.

Be famous. Be famous. Be famous. Live life to the fullest. Kill myself. Live. Love. Sing. Dance. Steal things. (If you get my joke here haha) Get married. Have a job. Have a family. Kill someone. Go to prison just to escape my life. Give birth to a kid before the end of the world...

Well... I've lived. I've loved. I've sung. I've dance. And I've stolen things.

The rest may or may not come in the future.

But overall, something I hope to do, is to be someone that people will remember. Well, I guess that isn't too hard due to the name that I am born with. But in terms of personality, I want to be remembered. And so far, only my closest friends would truly know who I am. There are even other close friends who say they are close but they don't even know me well. And sometimes, they are still finding out new things about me that they've never known before.

Live is short. I want to live it and live it well.

At times, religion no longer matters to me anymore because I have been that tied down to the materialistic views of humanity on earth. And yet I know that after death, there will be new life and something more. A place with no sadness and no tears...

Sigh...

At times I wish that time will come soon. And yet sometimes I wish I have more time on earth...

Day 4 - Something you have to forgive someone for

When I first read this, the first person I thought of was Christopher.

I have to forgive him for breaking my heart 2 summers ago, and HOW he broke my heart.

And he probably has a good reason for doing so, but thinks that it's a stupid reason to me. Mmm... evidence is that he NEVER talks about me. He says that I'm part of his past and he only focuses on the "now." And he never told anyone about us, or the breakup, or what actually happened.

I wonder what he thinks about it though.

He tells me he's turned over a new leaf. Oh well. I won't be able to know.

Sigh...

Then again, we've both moved on. So yeah, that's good I suppose.

But I'll never be that close to him ever again. I can read him too well.

Day 3 - Something you have to forgive yourself for

I don't get this question... I've never understood what it means to forgive myself for something. What can I forgive myself for? Polluting my mind since I was in kindergarten?

I'm suddenly thinking of the song "Love For A Child" by Jason Mraz. And I can associate myself with that song...

"There's a picture on my kitchen wall

Looks like Jesus and his friends involved

There's a party getting started in the yard

There's a couple getting steamy in the car parked in the drive

Was I too young to see this with my eyes?

And by the pool that night, apparently

The chemicals weren't mixed properly

You hit your head and then forgot your name

And you woke up at the bottom by the drain

And now your altitude and your memory's a shame

So, what about taking this empty cup and filling it up

With a little bit more of innocence

I haven't had enough, it's probably because when you're young

It's okay to be easily ignored

I like to believe it was all about love for a child

And when the house was left in shambles

Who was there to handle all the broken bits of glass

Was it mom who put my dad out on his ass or the other way around

Well I'm far too old to care about that now

So, what about taking this empty cup and filling it up

With a little bit more of innocence

I haven't had enough, it's probably because when you're young

It's okay to be easily ignored

I'd like to believe it was all about love for a child

It's kinda nice to work the floor since the divorce

I've been enjoying both my Christmases and my birthday cakes

And taking drugs and making love at far too young an age

Oh but they never check to see my grades

What a fool I'd be to start complaining now

What about taking this empty cup and filling it up

With a little bit more of some innocence

I haven't had enough, it's probably because when you're young

It's okay to be easily ignored

I'd love to believe it was all about love for a child

It was all about love..."

I need for forgive myself for the lack of innocence since I was young. And due to that, I have done many things in my life that I shouldn't be doing at my age... But of course, in this new age, it's all normal. There are people who are younger than I am who do worse things. It's life... it's society...

Day 2 - Something you love about yourself

Where do I even begin? NOWHERE! Because I just can't imagine a part of me that I love... What is it that I love?

I don't know! Have I been that self-less as to not love myself? Or as my mother puts it, vanity in a good way.

Sigh... Well, I suppose that it's the ability to see in everyone's perspectives... Hmm... Yeah... I guess that's it. You know how people say that you need to step into someone's shoes to understand them. Well, I for a fact can do that quite easily. Of course, once in a while I find someone whom I just don't even bother understanding and I just let the feelings of hatred wash over me.

lol

But hey, if I do try to get to know that person, I will try to see from his/her perspective.

I try to see from my mother's perspective too. But sometimes, it's just so hard to understand why she thinks a certain way. Sometimes I think she could be too conservative to the point where it is just INSANE! Very rash and unreasonable. But then I suppose it's because of her upbringing, her tight hold on religion, and not wanting us to make the same mistakes she did. Sigh... Sometimes I try to find the excuse that the reason why I am like this is because of her. It's in the genetics I tell you. It's aaaall in the genes.

Day 1 - Something you hate about yourself

Something I hate about myself? Well, there are several ways of looking at that.

Physically? Mentally? Spiritually? I can list out so many things that I hate about myself... I'll probably just choose 1 from each of these three I suppose...

Physically...

This is obvious. Acne.

Acne, the thing that invades the skin of teenagers like a bloody parasite. Growing into their skin, making it swell and redden... I hate my acne :( And thanks to them, I have scars on my faces and down my back. Oh great =.= Why did I have to receive my father's genes of oily skin? :( Sigh...

Mentally...

Well, I guess I am an insecure person. And I get worried about hurting other people or whatever and I end up feeling like shit afterwards but I yet I don't dare to do anything.

And then there's the problem with me bringing up things in the past. Sometimes when I have too much time to think, I think too much. And I think of past situations where I wish I could change so that it won't turn out so bad. I wish I'd avoid my mistakes or whatever...

Spiritually...

Hmmm... I guess I've ben weakened in this area by A LOT. I just can't seem to care about anything anymore. I don't give a shit. This isn't good. Because I never thought this would actually happen to me and that I'd become.... THIS. I know I shouldn't be tempted and yet I am. I hate myself for this. And yet at the same time I don't care.

Sigh... Oh, it's just my life. Not yours.